The Power of Acceptance When Things are Hard

Our inner child wants to be our outer old lady and our outer old lady wants to be our inner child. 

I’ve been there a bit myself this past week.  

I own it. How do we win? 

Or is it even the winning that matters? 

If we get the privilege to grow old, we certainly most often take our days for granted. We strive for more, doubt ourselves, and sometimes just sit in our diapers and feel sorry for ourselves. 

Two weeks ago, I had the opportunity to go and say goodbye to my friend who was dying, and just one week later his worldly light was extinguished. It was a gift to be able to talk with him.  

While I sat perched on the arm of his Lazyboy chair holding his hand, I freely let my tears flow. Some dropped onto his arm, and he laughed about how he was always feeling so dry, thanking me for the moisture. It is these sacred moments of life that we often overlook.  

I commented that someone wise once told me that “tears water the seeds of growth”.  Without missing a beat, he replied, “both literally and figuratively”, touching the growing tumors around his neck and laughing again. 

It was a sad, but profoundly beautiful honour to be able to see him before he left his family, loved ones, and life on earth.  We had honest, heartfelt conversation about “moving on and beyond” life.

When I asked him what his message to the living was, he said he wished everyone knew the true power of acceptance.  When we accept, we allow for grace, presence, and can be in the moment.  

When he was diagnosed with cancer, his decision from that point forward was that he would fight the good fight with the intention to win, but that he was also going accept what came with it. If that meant death, he was going to do so with as much acceptance and grace as he could. He said it was important to him that he model that acceptance can create beautiful moments in ALL situations.  

Wise words from a wise friend.   

Acceptance.  

I didn’t take a selfie with Lorne, but I did take this picture, of his hand holding a message that he felt compelled to show me: 

“Diamonds are formed under pressure.” 

And bread dough rises when you let it rest. 

The same boiling water that will soften the potato will harden the egg.  

We’re all our own things. What’s motivating to you may be crippling to others. 

A reminder that we are each on our own journey.  A journey of choice.  

We often think that grace and acceptance is most needed in the big hairy gross 4D’s: Death, Divorce, Disease, and life-altering Decisions. Creating acceptance and grace is most definitely key in the potential TRAUMA of those times, and having a strong support system that includes professionals and loved ones is essential. 

Acceptance, Lorne reminded me, as he described the feelings of helplessness and anger he also endured in his journey “home” was a practice, and one that we ALL have the power to embrace.   

He laughed and told me “You can use this, Tanya.” Admitting that he didn’t have the energy to read my book, and that it wasn’t available in audiobook yet. (Thanks, Lorne, I’m working on it!) 

Hell yes, my friend – his wisdom is for more than just my ears.   

But how do we really cultivate more acceptance in life, when we feel like we are in the middle of a shitstorm? 

He shared that all he could really do was model it.  So, he did. He wanted to show his loved ones, his family, and friends, and especially his wife and children that acceptance wasn’t giving up, giving in, or giving over, but being present for what is - because it’s all we really have.

How can you cultivate more acceptance in your life? 

Practice Mindfulness

Okay, I know we’ve all heard it but hear me out. Mindfulness is the practice of being present and fully engaged in the moment, without judgment.

For Lorne it was the process of building gigantic LEGO sets (and having them displayed all over the house) while he healed from the treatments and surgeries. For you, it may be walks, art, writing, singing, dancing, or gardening.  Mindfulness can be in stillness or in movement.  

When you are engaged in the moment, you can become more aware of your thoughts and feelings, and learn to accept them without trying to change them. This can help you become more accepting of yourself and others, and more able to let go of negative thoughts and emotions.

Cultivate Empathy

Empathy toward yourself means allowing yourself to be understood as you would be there for a friend – free of judgement. Empathy is also the ability to understand and share the feelings of others, which we can practice with others by holding space for them. 

Lorne embodied this as he had several visitors while we were there.  Some were able to cry in front of him, others could not.  Some needed the conversation to be more general, others were willing to talk about the grittier parts of death.  He met them where they were, with empathy for what everyone, including his wife and children and especially his family, was feeling.  

He held space with complete acceptance as his wife, who was scheduling his visits with friends and family around his medical appointments, also moved through her own grief of the reality they faced.  She was facilitating his wish – to see as many people, who wished to see him, before he died.

When you invite yourself to see things from other people's perspectives and become more accepting of their differences, as well as your own, you build stronger and more authentic relationships. You foster a more accepting and inclusive attitude towards difference and change for both yourself, and others.

Focus on Gratitude

Gratitude is the practice of acknowledging and appreciating the good things in your life. By focusing on gratitude, you can shift toward positive thoughts and feelings, and become more accepting of the present moment. You discover that even in the shittiest days, there are things to be grateful for, no matter how “big” or “small” because IT ALL COUNTS.   

Lorne embodied that in his welcoming nature and deep gratitude for shared history, the present moment, and each person in his life that he was able to connect with before his death.  He expressed gratitude for his amazing doctors, his magnificent wife, an incredible artist that painted pictures of their dogs.  He was brimming with gratitude even as his life was coming to an end.  

Practicing gratitude, as simple as it is, will help you develop a more positive outlook on life.  It shifts your vibration and creates more openings to being more accepting of yourself and others. 

Acceptance comes from mindfulness, empathy, and gratitude.  This isn’t new, but maybe it landed a little differently on your heart today.

You get one fucking life, you don’t know when it’s going to be over, and you deserve to experience the best version of yourself in it.  

Do you know what that means for you?  Maybe you’ve been in your own diaper like I have this past little while.   

You are moving through stuff, sometimes super big, sometimes seemingly small – it’s up to you to decide how you’re going to show up in it, how you want it to go, and where you’re going to take it. 

It’s up to all of us – to show up for ourselves. 

Lorne motivated me to take a leap – and serve because that’s what I am here to do!  He told me that I have a gift and a responsibility to share it. 

Those words landed hard.   

So, despite feeling “off” lately, I have been leaning into that space of acceptance, and with Lorne’s encouragement I’ve decided to host a local POP-UP RETREAT:  

From Burnout to BLISS:  A women’s retreat to restore harmony and joy in life.  

Why? Because I’m seeing it, I’m hearing it, and I know it scares the hell out of people.  I’m seeing women, who don’t have a space to address it, let alone acknowledge their feelings, and there is a need to get ahead of, and beyond those feelings of burnout and back into the restorative nature of life and living again.   

Acceptance with intention, harmony, and joy!   

Who better to bring it than moi?  The Joy Alchemist!  

You can find out more about the retreat right here!

Also – stay tuned for some upcoming free webinars! I’m here to serve and Lorne reminded me that there is really no time like the present to step in, step up, and give what we’ve got. 

Here’s to you my friend – your acceptance, joy, and living life juicy! 

With Love Always,