Finding your worth in the Starbucks Drive-thru

Earlier this week I reached out to an artist about a piece of custom art that I was interested in her painting for me. The reach out was a follow-up to a couple of conversations that happened this summer.

First, let me say that by no means am I an art snob – in fact, I just like what I feel.  If a piece of art evokes an emotion in me, I fall in love.  It’s kind of that simple.  

This artist’s work spoke to my soul.  

Interestingly, the artist that I am referring to is actually my cousin’s daughter.  My cousin and I were close as children, enjoying beautiful Christmas eves scurrying around the upstairs with all the cousins until her mom, the “Seargant”, came upstairs to crack the whip.

“Santa won’t come if you don’t get to bed!”  We scattered and dove under the covers with the adrenalin of excitement and fear! We were scared as fuck of Auntie Velvet!

As time, life, and distance unfolds, we tend not to connect as we once did.  

The glue that held us together through generations has started to pass with the losses of our grandparents, and the aging or losses of our own parents. I hold her in my heart, and she’s a Facebook friend. I love her, but you know how it goes as you age – we drift into our own lives.

And of course, that drift come with seeing their life through the lens of Facebook and occasional updates from our own mother’s connecting and sharing.  I knew little of her daughter, Hailey Weber, but to have seen her as the bright, athletic, artistic all-around beautiful daughter to my cousin.  

Ok, I admittedly also occasionally felt like I was staring into the face of my partner-in-crime childhood cousin’s face.  They look so damn alike!  

Here’s the thing: In January of 2020 in my space of reflection and intention, one of the things I put on my “to do in 2020” list was own a Hailey Weber. I wanted to own a piece of her art.  I love it.

Edure a pandemic was not on that list, so along with travel, this intention shifted a year.

When the ZenDen, my office, was being constructed this summer, I had a wall chosen for my Hailey Webber and I reached out to her about a custom piece.  In our beautiful conversation I knew she understood what I wanted.  I could feel it.  

But in a following conversation, when we started talking about price, I challenged Hailey.  

Far too often I see incredibly talented, gifted people being expected to give away their energy, talent and expertise because they do what they love. It happens in so many professions, and especially for those who are creative.

And it is prolific among women.

I don’t recall what exactly I said in that conversation, but what I do know is that I invited her to consider charging me MORE than she had quoted because a custom piece of work is more collaboration, time, and work.  I spoke with authenticity and heart and challenged her.

I later received an email stating that my words had impacted her deeply and she needed time and space to process.  

The story I told myself was that I had been out of line in suggesting how she run her business.  I told myself that I had overstepped as a customer looking for a service, and that this was her business, her life, her art, and not mine to interfere with.

The feelings I had with that story were guilt for overstepping, fear that I had hurt her, and in-turn her mother, sadness that I may not ever have a Hailey Weber, anger with myself for not tampering my “me” in a transaction that really did mean a lot to me.

Basically I felt like I had fucked up.

And I sat in it.  

For months.

And, as I am preparing for the year to come to a close, I looked to that wall, and decided it was time to reach out.  I did so with gentle grace, noting that there had been the passage of time, and that if she felt we were not a fit as client and artist, she reserve that right.  I offered her an out.  

I just hoped and prayed that the email would not open a further wound from our interaction.

She responded.

She shared with me...

“I know we don’t know each other too well but I want to share a bit of my story.

As a young child I suffered from a lot of anxiety and depression, I was bullied for being introverted and I suffered a lot. I felt like never enough and unworthy starting at an early age. In highschool I felt like I didn’t fit in and I was scared to make new friends. There was one thing I knew though, that I loved art. 

Fast forward to today, 21 years old, finally found my confidence, after years of counselling, treatment from a psychiatrist, medications, and a deep long journey of self growth. I’ve learned to embrace the things that I used to get bullied for and used them to make me a more thoughtful artist. I’m not scared to tell people about what I’ve been through because I have grown so immensely from where I have been. 

I’m not sure how to describe it but that conversation that we had on zoom really shocked me. In a good way, but it really sent me to a place of deep thought. My whole life I’ve second guessed myself and that translated into second guessing my art. I was at a loss for words when I thought of you. Caught between wanting to talk about my trauma and being too scared to deal with it… mostly too scared to deal with it. 

I hope you understand the amazing power you have to help people start the long hard journey to finding self worth, because you really set that off for me. While I’ve been quiet I’ve been slowly working on formulating this message for you. As a thank you for you kindness, patience, and the gift of starting the process of finding self-worth (a priceless gift) I’ll also be sending you a surprise piece of art with your custom piece.

Now for the good stuff: introducing “find your worth”

This piece embodies resilience through deep pain and suffering to come out on the other side as a person who loves themselves, has grown from their pain, and knows their worth… knows their value.. knows they’re beautiful… knows they make the world a better place.”

It’s okay.  Fucking let that emotion you feel reading her words flow.

I know I did.  Sobbing right there in the Passenger’s seat, and my husband trying to place my order through the drive through window of Starbucks.

Funny how raw emotion sometimes can’t be interpreted to the naked eye.  Especially tears.

He thought someone had died.  

It was that kind of emotion that leapt from me.  

All of the thoughts I had previously were not the whole story.  Not even close.  

The interaction and the story I told myself about how I had impacted her was only partly the case.  I still think I overstepped in telling her how to run her business.

The clincher for me was this:

A beautiful, talented, amazing young woman has found her passion, her truest love in herself, and she does it through self expression.  She is an artist.

The space in which she aligns, arrives as her highest self, and feels her journey in life is most authentic is when she is creating.

Thinking back, the reason I think I have always resonated with her art is because it does have feeling.  And the creation of this beautiful piece “Find Your Worth” couldn’t have been more aptly named.

I step into this painting and feel a vast beautiful adventure where worth is in every step if you just pause to be.  

Hope and possibility.

Find your worth.

I feel nothing but gratitude that Hailey is stepping into her worth.  I hold space and love for her journey, her challenges, her vulnerability, and her incredible authenticity. I am grateful she has allowed me to share this with you.

Fuck, this amazing young woman is 21 years old!  

I admittedly also grieve the me that was 21, 31, 41… because I wasn’t even close to realizing my passions, owning my struggles and challenges, or learning to love myself and find my worth.

That’s why I’m here.  And why I do what I do. My passion is helping other women find their own worth, love themselves, and believe that they are worthy because I wasted too much time, and my mission is to change that for other women that are ready.

Hailey says it best about “Find Your Worth”

“… resilience through deep pain and suffering to come out on the other side as a person who loves themselves, has grown from their pain, and knows their worth… knows their value.. knows they’re beautiful… knows they make the world a better place.”

Wise words from an amazing artist.

And of course, please please check her out!  Follow her Art by Hailey Webber on Instagram, its like soul candy!  If you have a bare wall or are looking for an original beautiful gift – support an artist! Her website is so lovely too!

It is only fitting that this piece would evolve into existence with it’s own perfectly imperfect story.

It will serve as the backdrop to some of my filming, so you’ll find your worth in every segment!  How fucking amazing is that?!

So much love to you, dear reader.  Remember, it doesn’t matter if you’re 21 or 81, or anywhere in between, you deserve your best life!

Hugs, Hip Bumps, and You are Worthy!

PS:  Are you starting to think that 2022 will be your year to find your worth?  Don’t fucking wait!  Life is too short to keep waiting until… Enroll in Lighten Up! and start an amazing journey with me through the holidays (Dec 8 – Jan 8).  Ditch resolutions for REAL LIFE and get a jump start on 2022! Click here for more details!