Birthing Change
Divine Feminine.
In the past few weeks I have been repeatedly pulling this magnificent card.
A card about nurturing life, goodness, connection with feminine power and vulnerability – birth.
Creating Lighten Up has been such an incredible, uncomfortable, and amazing adventure. It has been hard.
Last week I had a conversation with my own life coach about my experience of the birthing of this program. Its launch into the world is my way of spreading love and light and (aaaack!) attempt to be paid to do what I just naturally do.
Who I am.
There’s a whole mindfuck of its own! (Insert Deja talking shit about worthiness).
The process has been everything from nesting (can I get the Den clean and organized enough?) to packing for the hospital (final touches on the workbook). There was induction (setting up for the LIVE the night before, and trying to make sure tech would be as cooperative as possible), and then my loving doulas (the amazing loving texts the morning of). The birth (LIVE!) was a beautiful, authentic, amazing time of connection and feelings, and just pure pure love.
An imprint on my soul for sure.
Birth announcements have been going out (email reminders daily), and congratulations have been coming my way (lovely texts of encouragement, excitement, laughter, JOY!).
Last night I completed the final filming and prepared it for the beautiful souls that have found their way to this program (swaddling for sleep). I found myself wondering, nervous, and riddled with worry.
The point of this is to launch a business. It was like staring into the face of my “baby” and wondering if I had what it takes to actually keep this baby alive. Holy fuck. I actually need people to pay me to be who I am, bring my teaching, social work, and human experience, and support them to make the most of their lives. Is it possible? I invited people to consider life coaching. It was from my heart – no pressure, just love. That is who I am, and I never want to sound like it’s a fucking sales pitch. Ever.
I woke in the night in a sweat. Worried. In a space of conflict, for sure. Had I left the security of a government job (that caused PTSD) for an unknown that, when I was truly authentic (weepy, sweary, party-ish, and thinks meditation is actually the shit) may not land with people? The baby was awake (I was awake) and there was that new parent uncertainty.
This morning, of course, I woke with tight face! Holy. Fuck.
Fucking tight face today??? Really, Universe???
Tight face, as known by both my bestie and myself is a state of being often associated with hormonal changes in a lunar cycle. In my world it is called an “un-period” because despite having had a hysterectomy, I still have the hormonal roller-coaster that comes monthly. Tight face. Not just resting bitch face on steroids, but a state of being.
Haha Divine, I get it. Now I’m getting a dose of postpartum (I’ve given birth, right?). Cruel.
This is where I have to trust. Trust that the feeling in my soul that says this is my purpose is truth. Trust that this will resonate with the people that are meant for it, and that it will spread love and light.
Trust.
As I was doing my morning routine including a card, sitting in the emotion of tight face, the Divine gave me this message:
Let Go.
Her message: Take Back Your Power And Thrive
“Let all just be, and take back your light. Stop trying so hard and breathe. Letting go does not mean jumping blindly into faith, but to release the resistance you hold about a subject, so your dreams and desires can be realized. We all have hung on to a person, place, job, or idea because we think it will give us what we seek. But, hanging on is the result of unbalance thinking. This imbalance has you needing compensation. You created a deficit by compromising yourself, thinking that was the way toward your dreams. It was your choice to do that. Now it is your choice to let go and create from love instead of fear. You deserve to have what you want without compromising your truth. You cannot change what has occurred. However, you can change what you do from this moment on. No one has been placed upon this Earth to make you happy, just as it is not your responsibility to make anyone else happy. Free yourself and everyone else of the idea that we must please others to be loved. You are love, you are loved, no matter what has happened in your or another life.”
(Denise Jarvie – The Secret Language of Light)
So while still a little tight faced, The Divine reminded me that this is the journey, and like with all things, there comes a point where I have to let go. And that is the message I breathe into today.
A message for us all. Create from love instead of fear. Stop trying so hard, and just breathe.
Another reminder that we can all live with and HELP ourselves through the space we find ourselves in – and sometimes we need to just fucking let go.
Love and Light to you,
